I've been hearing for the past few years about To Write Love on Her Arms, as I've seen kids at my school show their support, and I've even seen bands in concerts where tee shirts with it plastered across their chests. I didn't really know what it was though. Once I looked into what it was, I gave it my complete support. To Write Love on Her Arms is a non profit movement that is dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. They work to encourage, inform, inspire and to invest directly into treatment and recovery.
Now, a lot of people support organizations like this because they think it's a good idea, but I support this cause because I know how the peoplw who they help feel. Looking back on my life so far, I've struggled with depression for a long time. I started showing signs of depression at a very young age, and by the time I hit high school, depression hit me as hard as it possibly could. At first, it just seemed like I was sad all the time for no reason. After I while I started thinking about what it would be like if I just disappeared. I starting cutting myself my first year of high school. It was my way of venting my anger, frustration and hurt. I didn't see the point in hurting others, so I hurt myself. I didn't want to hurt others. But other people hurt me on a daily basis, whether it was verbal or physical. I figured I must have been doing something wrong. My cutting started out as a form of venting and punishing myself.
It didn't stay as that for long. I didn't realize it at the time, but I developed an addiction to self harm. By the end of grade eight, I don't think a day went by when I didn't cut myself. I had some friends who would check my wrists everyday for new cuts. So I started cutting around my ankles. They made me feel ashamed for what I was doing, so I hid it. My family had no idea what was going on in my life, but they rarely did. My mom found out about my cutting twice in the almost three years where I cut myself on almost a daily basis. And she thinks it only happened those two times. She didn't do anything but get mad at me when she found out.
My cutting got to the point where I felt like I needed it to get through the day. I can't explain it in a way that wouldn't make me sound insane to anyone who hasn't dealt first hand with addiction. I remember talking with one of my teachers about it one day. He was my best friend through my depression, and my councellor. He helped me out a lot. His wife had been watching a program on suicide on night, and got him to watch it with her because she was worried about me, and he knew more about my situation than most people did. According to this program, there are seven steps in which one takes before taking their life. He told me the next day that he had seen me in various stages, and had seen me as close to one step away from actually taking my life. This kind of freaked me out. I mean, I'd attempted suicide many times, but after I failed, I never really thought I'd be able to do it. I still tried though. The choking game, cutting deeper, thinking about jumping off a bridge, taking too many pills.
I would've taken that last step had I not found support in my friends. I got so close a few times, that it terrifies me. I would've missed out on so much. After I decided to stop cutting, (Which took several tries before I was successful), I went for more than a year without cutting, or even thinking of cutting. I've relasped a few times, but I've managed to overcome my addiction. Sometimes when I get depressed, I start thinking that I want it, but than I remind myself of how far I've come, and all the people who worked so hard to support me that I'd be letting down.
I guess my point is, without people supporting them, very few people would be able to overcome their addictions. I know this from experience. I've struggled with addiction, and had no one to help me. And then I found friends who wanted to help me, and I am only alive because of them. Movements like To Write Love on Her Arms are essential if we really want to help those who are hurt, lost, broken and struggling for their lives. If you haven't heard of TWLOHA, I would reccommend that you look up their website.
http://www.twloha.com/vision/
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