Since coming home from Mexico, Mexico has never been very far from my thoughts. My friends know this very well. I've even had dreams about Mexico and the people I met there. Mexico changed my life in ways I never had imagined.
The weekend before we left, one of my aunts walked up to me at church and told me I was going to have so much fun, and come back as a changed person. I wasn't having a very good day, as I was nervous about the upcoming trip, and this aunt never usually talked to me. I was offended that she was telling me how much I would be changed when she didn't even know me. I didn't realize until I left Mexico that I needed to change, and the fact that I was angry at her for telling me I would change proved that. I've been on life changing trips before, but Mexico was the most impacting by far.
I have organized girls nights in my youth group, to help bring the girls together and to teach the younger girls more about God, and to offer them help through hard times. We may be having on in September, so I've been working on a bible study talk. I got inspiration for the talk while at a lake, for our youth finale before summer. A friend and I were walking along the shore talking, when this little log in the water caught my eye. I video taped it on my camera. It was caught on a smaller rock, and was rocking back and forth because of the waves. For some reason, that was exactly how I felt at that moment. I felt like there were things in my life pushing me forward, but there were also things pushing me back, and I was just caught in the middle, not knowing what to do or where to go. Just a few feet away from this log was a bigger rock protruding from the water. I also video taped this rock. This rock was firmly rooted in to ground, so the waves just went around it. I thoguht to myself, "Do I want to be the log that just gets pushed around and doesn't know where to go or what to do? Or, do I want to be the rock, firmly rooted and able to withstand the troubles this world will throw my way?"
I hadn't gotten very far in writing the bible study, because I had no idea where to go with it. So I figured I would wait until I got back from Mexico. When I got back from Mexico, and looked at my original notes, things started making sense. Like my aunt, telling me I would be changed. I didn't expect I would be changed. But I was perhaps one of the most affected people on that trip. The biggest change in me was that I was able to let go of all the things in my life that were pushing me back. I had a pretty rough childhood, and I had a lot of anger, self pity, and sadness pent up. There were people in my life I needed to forgive, and people I needed to reach out to, but I could not see past myself, and my own problems. Mexico and the people I met there helped me out a lot with these things and so much more. And I am reminded of everything in me that has changed on a daily basis, several times a day.
I used to try very hard to change how I look, because I wasn't beautiful by my peers' standards. I wasn't one of the "cool" kids, because my parents couldn't afford to put me in sports or dance or music classes when I was younger, and a lot of my clothes are second hand. I would hide my Christian faith, because they would make fun of me for it. I tried everything to fit in. But it never worked. I know now, that that is because I was not meant to fit in with most of the people at my school. There are bigger plans for my life than going and getting drunk every weekend. My trip to Mexico, and the people I met there helped me to see that God made me beautiful in my own way, and that I don't really need to try to fit in the the "cool" kids at my school, because fitting in here isn't part of God's plan for me. God made me to be different.
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