I'm sure we've all had those days where it just seems like the whole world is crashing down on our shoulders, and it feels like nothing is ever going to work out, even though you know it eventually will. You feel stuck, trapped, alone and confused. You don't know how to deal with things, which way to go, or even who to talk about it to. Well, my last month has been like that.
I've been sick, stressed, confused and not sleeping. I had a bunch of little problems in my life that I didn't want to deal with when they came up, because I was "too busy". Well, when you've got 5 weeks to put on a play, and that's memorize lines, make costumes, build the set, and not kill anyone in the process, it can get pretty chaotic. I was in the senior play at my school, which ended two days ago. Our theatre teacher who chose the play randomly disappeared, and we have no idea what happened to her. She left us at the worst possible time, and it did not seem like our play was going to get done. But, a substitute teacher jumped in, 5 weeks before the performance date, and saved us. She worked hard with us to get the set built, to make costumes, and to make sure every one of us got our lines and cues down. It was nothing short of a miracle that this play went as well as it did. I hadn't paid attention to it before hand, but looking back at it now, I can say that God helped us with our play. He sent Miss Desbiens to help us get done what we needed to get done, and He helped us get along with each other.
There are a lot of very different people in my theatre class, and most of us have very different beliefs, but we didn't argue about them. Sure, the topic of beliefs was brought up, but we just stated what we believed in and moved on, partly because no one wanted to start an arguement and partly because our play was so crunched on time. Looking back, I did have some interesting conversations with a few of the well known athiests in my class, which I just thought of as casual conversation, but my friends pointed out that it was, in a way, witnessing.
Now my chance to witness to some of the most stubborn athiests I know astounded some of my friends. I've one friend who gets in a religious debate with these girls at least every other day. She was amazed that I had gotten a chance to talk to these girls without starting WW3. I went home from school that day thinking about it. Sure, I had managed to witness to these girls a little bit, but that was not my intention at all when I was talking to them. With the first girl, I was merely telling her about the World Vision Christmas Gift Catalogue and how cool I thought it was that just a little bit of money could go so far in a foreign country. The second girl had asked me if I hated gays because I'm religious. Well, she put it as a statement, rather than a question. I simply told her I don't agree with homosexuality, but that doesn't mean I hate gays. I've had friends who are gay, and I still stand up for them the same way I do for my straight friends. We talked a little more about that and she was quite surprised about what I had to say. But I never thought of how that could be witnessing, until I had a few friends point it out. To me, I was just talking.
The worst part of the last couple weeks was the fact that I was starting to get sick just before opening night for my play. That's a big stress when there's no one who can take your place. I pushed myself to get out of bed each morning and go to school so I could go to play practice or work at lunch, and then more practice after school, until 5-6 pm. Having stress at home, and at school, and trying not to get sick on top of that is not very fun. I over worked myself with theis play, and I'm paying for it now. I've gotten pretty sick and it sucks, but I can tell you that missing my play would've been worse. The other thing that's been bothering me is I've picked up some habits at school that I'd rather not have. You see, my theatre class has some very mouthy people in it. I started swearing at school, which made me feel miserable about myself, because I want people to see me as a Christian, not somebody who claims to be a Christian but acts just like everyone else at school. I stopped reading my devotions because I was exhausted by the time I got home, and I wasn't praying as much as I normally do. This hurt me more than I could see at the time. I see it now, though. I was having a hard time with almost everything in my life, and the reason why I was having such trouble is I wasn't giving it all to God. I was trying to do it all on my own. And I can't do that.
I spent some extra time praying and reading my bible yesterday, and then listening to praise music as I cleaned up my bedroom, and it helped me get back on my feet. I had to be reminded that God is still with me, whether I can feel Him or not, He never leaves me. All I have to do is ask for His help, and He'll help me. It may not be how I want Him to help me, it may not be when I want Him to help me, but He will help me. I've still got some things I've got to sort out, but I know I'm not on my own. I've got friends who want to help me, and I've got God who wants to help me. So when life gets to you, just remember, you're never in it alone. God is always there
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